I WAS the biggest martyr – never taking time to myself – because I felt like it would not be fair to my family. I felt like taking time for me was robbing my family of the time I should be giving to them. I said WAS because I have learned my lesson in this area of my life. When I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis three years ago, I had many lesson to learn. Taking time for me was one of the most important lessons. If I do not take a break at some point each day, I am not able to have enough energy to care for my family in the evening. If I do not have some mommy-time, I cannot make dinner, clean up, get the kids in bed, or do anything else that needs to be done in the evening. So, taking time for myself – which I used to view as selfishness – is now vital to my being able to care for my family.

Although not all moms have my disorder, taking time for yourself is something that all moms can benefit from. Stress has a sneaky way of building up on us. Moms are especially at risk. It seems natural that moms, the caretakers of the family, often want to care for and help others. However, it is very easy to find yourself doing too much and the stress begins to build. The best way to rid yourself of some stress is to take a little break each day. Even fifteen minutes a day can help. A little time to yourself can give your body a chance to de-stress. My taking a little mom-break, you may find that you feel better, have more energy, and are better able to finish your day since you have had a chance to get renewed and refreshed.

About the author: Alicia H. Tucker is a homeschool mom of three, after having taught in public schools for over ten years. She has a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education and a master’s degree in Education with a focus on Curriculum and Technology. She is a freelance writer and is currently working on writing her first book.

photo credit: advertisingelyse

photo credit: Sugar Pond

Moms sometimes feel as if they are being overwhelmed by everything they have to do in a given day. The housework piles up and you feel like you have a zillion things to do and not enough hours in the day. Then you may still have work to think about and homework to do, not to mention any appointments scheduled for that day. What can moms do to help ease these feelings?

They can put the kids to work. What? Yes, you read that correctly. Even children as young as a year old can be taught some responsibility by helping around the house. The amount of responsibility you wish to teach each child will differ depending on their age and ability levels. Young toddlers can be taught to clean up their toys. Even if they do not pick up everything on the first try, it will still lessen the number of times you need to bend over to pick up and put away their things. As the little ones practice doing this, they will get better at it over time, and will eventually be able to put away all of their toys at the end of each day.

My children are a little older than that – 6, 8, and 10 – so they are able to help a little more. However, when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis almost 3 years ago (and found myself unable to physically keep up with everything that needed to be done), they were not helping around the house as well as they are now. It took time for them to learn to help the way they do, but they did it. By teaching them to help out, they are learning to be more responsible for their belongings, for the things in their home, and for themselves (and often will clean something up without being asked). By having some good helpers, I am better able to keep up with the housework and my stress levels are lower.

So, where do you begin? No matter your child’s age, start with their bedrooms. Have them first practice picking up their toys at the end of every day before they go to bed. You may even want to set up a reward system for doing this. My children each earn 25 cents per day that they remember to do this. However, some children could earn television time or computer time or maybe even have the opportunity to choose the board game for family game night. Whatever the reward, use it to help motivate your children. After they have gotten pretty good at picking up their toys each day, add something else for them to be responsible of. Putting away their clean clothing is a very good next step. For younger children, I suggest labeling each of their dresser drawers with a picture of the type of items that go in that drawer. Then, when the pile of clean clothes is delivered, they can put it away instead of you. Think of another reward for this job so your children will be further encouraged to continue helping.  (Additional jobs your children might be able to help with are listed at the end of this article.)

Once they can complete these two jobs, then they may be ready to help in other areas of the home. Just remember to have a reward for each job. If you use behavior bucks in your home, they can earn those. If your children earn allowance, you can pay them for each job they complete, rather than having a set fee they get each week. No matter what reward you choose, it will help your children to want to keep helping you out! The more they help you out, the more responsible they will become for their belongings, their home, and themselves.

To help you think of some areas that your children may be able to help with, here are some of the jobs that my children have learned to complete:

·         carry in the groceries

·         help put away the groceries

·         set the table

·         feed the dogs

·         get water for the guinea pig

·         help prepare dinner

·         dust one room

·         get the mail

·         help make coffee

·         vacuum

·         wipe down a bathroom sink

·         take out the trash

·         make your own breakfast or lunch (not with the stove, though)

·         clean windows in one room

·         water plants

·         wipe the kitchen table

·         organize a bookshelf, video cabinet, or television cabinet

·         complete 1 load of laundry (wash, dry, fold, and deliver)

·         take dogs outside and watch them

About the author:    Alicia H. Tucker is a homeschool mom of three, after having taught in public schools for over ten years. She has a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education and a master’s degree in Education with a focus on Curriculum and Technology. She is a freelance writer and is currently working on writing her first book.

photo credit: samglover

If your typical day is anything like mine, then you probably do not have much time to yourself either. Additionally, any time you do have is probably not very quiet. I know mine is not. However, when I do get those few quiet times, I try to make the most of them. It is very important for us as moms to have some time to relax and recharge. So, if your typical day does not provide you with time to do this, you must make the time.

I am fortunate this week to have some extra quiet time this week as two of my three children are on a trip with their grandparents. But for those that are not able to have quiet time in that way, they must make a little time for themselves in one of two ways. You can either stay up after the children go to bed or you can get up before the children do in the morning.

Most days, I opt to stay up late. The only problem with that is if the children stay up too late, then I get to bed really late and then I am tired in the morning. However, if your children go to bed earlier, then this might work for you. My goal is to get up early and have my quiet time then. My house is much quieter in the morning than in the evening.

No matter when you opt to have some quiet time, make sure that you take this time for YOU. Don’t try to get ahead on work or housework, do things that you like to do for enjoyment. Take a long bath… read a book… work on arts and crafts… give yourself a manicure or pedicure… anything that you like to do for fun or relaxation. Even if you only have a half an hour to yourself, make the most of it. You will find that you feel more relaxed and that the stresses of life can bounce off of you more easily, rather than bogging you down.
About the author:    Alicia H. Tucker is a homeschool mom of three, after having taught in public schools for over ten years. She has a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education and a master’s degree in Education with a focus on Curriculum and Technology. She is a freelance writer and is currently working on writing her first book.

But then in all of efforts to be that super mom we often forget to take care of ourselves. We start eating poorly and get less and less sleep. We stop exercising as much as we used to and we get get stressed out.

Then it gets worse. All those bad habits that we are starting to form will get passed on to our kids. Thus we have just defeated our attempt to be that super mom.

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- How various media portrays the Super Mom, making you feel guilt for our perfectly natural imperfections.
- Easily saying no and without the guilt.
- Stories of real moms who are breaking free from the Super Mom Trap and how you can too.
- Learning to delegate (no, YOU don’t have to do it ALL) and getting more done.

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photo credit: RenaudPhoto

Busy family lifestyles lead to stressed out families. Stressed out families can often lead to more problems and issues. Learning to deal with family stress before the stress becomes a huge problem is a good idea. If you already have problems, then learning to deal with the issues that are causing you stress is essential in helping you to overcome these difficulties.

One of the largest contributors to stress is over commitment. Families are pulled in multiple directions by varying activities. The more children there are the more activities there are, the more refined the balancing act becomes.

Think about the list of activities that you and your children are involved in. Why are they involved in each activity? Is it because they have a passion for it or is it because they needed to have a more rounded activity schedule? Let your child choose a few activities that they feel drawn to. Let them explore their passions, but don’t sign them up for every activity there is. Teach them to pick and choose their priorities when choosing activities. Doing one thing and doing it well is different from doing several things that there isn’t a passion for.

The same that applies for your children and their activities should apply to yours as well. Learn to say no. If you are already committed to several activities and are stressed for time, do you really need to participate in one more activity? Learning to say no and to weed through the activities you already do will help cut down on your stress.

A less stressed parent makes a less stressed child. Our moods and behaviors are often reflected in our children. Leading by example is a wonderful motto to live by. Our children see how we deal with stress and emulate it. Wading
through our activities and learning to say no are only two activities. Another one would be to learn to slow down and enjoy family time.

When is the last time you had a sit down meal with everyone gathered around the table? A meal where there was no rush to get somewhere or to go and pick someone up. Having a meal together is a family bonding time. It is an excellent opportunity for children and parents to be together. They can discuss what is on their minds, what goals they have or even what is bothering them, to cause stress. Just this simple act of sitting down and sharing a meal can lower stress in a family.

Have a family movie or game night. These are activities that everyone can enjoy together. Have the children and parents take turns picking out movies or games to play. There may be old family favorites or you may find new ones
that become your family’s games.

Whatever you choose, do it together. The more a family shares, at meals, movies or over games, the closer they become. A closer a family is the more they are inclined to talk and discuss things. This is a great combat against family stress.

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